Last night, I watched Hulu. For the first time because I am a new subscriber. It was great. I was focusing on the shows, enjoying the new selection of things to watch, and being happy about the new experience.
After I finished watching, I was going to go bed. Instead, I wrote a private blog post on this site about all of the friendships/relationships that I made mistakes in. Which led me to the conclusion that I had been forgetting these people and as a consequence, all of the wonderful memories that went along with them. While writing it, I remembered so many things that I had forgotten about our experiences together. This sparked me writing a really heartfelt article for The Odyssey. When I finished with the article, I was soo happy. This morning, I still woke up happy and at peace with my newfound perspective on ended relationships. Like, I literally could not wait to send in that article. I was so proud of it because it had my heart in it, it was descriptive in the way that I liked it, and it gave me a new way to view things. And also because- it was a way to close those chapters, while being grateful that they existed and not trying to erase them.
Because I was so proud of it, I just went back into the server to read over it again and edit it some more.
And lo and behold- half of it got deleted when my Internet stopped working yesterday night.
Literally, so sad. I was so so happy and proud of it. Yet, a big chunk of that article was about remembering. I’m obviously not going to be able to write it in the exact same way, but I can at least remember the gist of it and get back to that. The important thing was that I learned a lesson while writing it, so even though the piece itself is half gone, I still have the heart of how I felt while writing it.
That too can go along with the message of the piece and beyond the piece. It taught me something. I remember how it felt. Even if I don’t remember the exact words.
Maybe losing it will make it even better than round one.
❤ No hard feelings, Internet. I know you didn’t mean it.